Long Lost Update

I haven't posted in forever. Sorry everyone. Life gets crazy. It always seems that just when you think, "if one more thing happens I know I will go insane from the stress," the Lord helps you stretch your limits a little bit more. Raising three teenage girls without the gospel and without the willingness of their mother is definitely a challenge. It hurts to see people whom you love so much go through such horrible things in their life, and know exactly what they need but not be able to help them because they won't accept it. I have learned a new respect for families who struggle with drugs and violence and what it feels like to have to betray your child in order to help them, and also what it feels like to love someone so much but at the same time be so afraid of them you have to lock them up. I have also learned how much it hurts as a parent to have to watch your child use their agency in a way that not only hurts them but many others as well and have to come to terms with the fact that they will most likely never be able to recover and you will have to continue to watch them hurt themselves, their unborn children, and your family. I do however, have a new respect for those who struggle with addiction problems. It is a horrible thing and I hope if any of you know anyone with a drug problem you will try to be a little bit less judgemental and little bit more patient.

Going through these experiences have changed my perspective as a mother drastically. It has made me much more aware, scared, nervous, and confident all at the same time. I have also learned that in moments when you think you can't possibly sink any lower, or have any more problems, or be struggling economically anymore---there is always a step lower. It can always ALWAYS get worse. So in times when I catch myself thinking that my life is too hard, I have to remind myself that it could be worse tomorrow and I should stop complaining and waiting for everything to work out and just start being grateful for the good in my life.

Speaking of good---

Some women from my parents ward threw me a baby shower a few weeks ago. It was so amazing. The food and decorations were wonderful and I was so excited to see everyone who came. Thank you so so so much to those women, as well as to all the people who came and who gave gifts. I can't explain how appreciated every gift was. We are so blessed and I know there are so many people who truly love our little family. Thank you!!!
Here is a picture of the "cake." It is made of diapers and baby shampoo and all sorts of other goodies. Isn't it amazing?!!! I was so impressed. It must have taken forever to make. I love it. Wow!!!

Another good thing that has happened lately is that Fidencio, the only other member of the church in Jose's family, received the Melchizedek priesthood. We had a dinner and game night with my family afterwards to celebrate. Congrats Fidencio! My amazing family took the week off this last week and came over to our house to help clean and organize. I am so grateful to them. I can't believe how hard they worked, inside and outside the house. Wow. They are truly incredible and I appreciate them so much. Thank you guys! I do feel really bad though because we were home almost the entire time they were here slaving away. I wish I could have spent more time with them.

Austin wearing my jacket while he cleans. haha (I not sure why) haha

Ahhh! Christmas! Jose and I bought our first Christmas Tree this year because we never ended up decorating last year. We had so much fun decorating it--and it smells so good! I bought Jose a video game set for Christmas. It was just a cheap little controller set that comes with games already installed. It has all of the old arcade video games from the '90's on it. He was so excited to use it he opened it that same day. The stinker. I told him he will have to re-wrap it to be able to open it again on Christmas. He is actually really good at all the games though and always kicks my trash on everything from Mario Bros. to Tetris.

I came in one night and saw him playing Duck Hunt but he had set himself up a little shooting range with the piano seat to make it more interesting he said. Haha I love him. He is so cute.

News on the baby....

I haven't been able to sleep well for a few weeks because of all the stress I have had. Sometimes I go a couple of days without even sleeping at all. The stress has also made it hard to eat. I have been throwing up almost everything. So when I went to the doctor I told him I was worried that maybe it was affecting the baby. He did some tests and found that the baby's heartbeat was beating irregularly and said that it was related to my stress level. So he said that I can't keep going like this and think that the baby is going to be ok and I have to find a way to get rid of as much stress in my life as possible. Ugh. That made me even more stressed. Jose has stayed home from work for the last couple days trying to take care of me and make me laugh and just generally loving me. He is amazing and loves me and Maya so much.

So that is the life and baby update. In case I don't post again before Christmas--Merry Christmas everyone!!!